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29 June 2009 @ 07:57 pm
Metal Gear Solid 4 Review  

What it is: A stealth game for the PS3.

No, really:


Hit: At it's heart-- and God knows this series, including this title, has always had plenty of it-- a ridiculously fun game. It's fucking Metal Gear Solid, do I have to list what is right, here? What the hell, I will:

  • Action

  • Stealth

  • Easter Eggs

  • Inside Jokes

  • Story

  • Acting

  • Controls

  • Audio


  • Game characters as senior citizens

  • So, yeah. Stuff like that makes a great game, right? This game has all of that, a bag of chips, and some snake dip to go on the side. It's an amazing thrill ride with lots of thought and creativity put behind it; a near-motion picture experience thrown into a videogame that can only be described in one word as "shitfuck". It's so damn big and HD I barely reduced the resolution of the picture up there.

    ...And yet, there is something horribly wrong.

    Miss: What is happening here? People thought Metal Gear Solid 2 was the most confusing fucking mess in videogame history-- honestly, this puts that to shame quite easily. Allow me to explain the first ten minutes of the game.

    First, we watch Snake smoke a cigarette while we "install" the game to the PS3's hard drive. In the meantime, various odd warnings are displayed to us. We can't help but giggle, and yet, at the same time, it's the strangest thing. Is Konami attempting to humor the player through one of the stupidest "features" the PS3 has?

    After this brief interlude, the title screen. Ordinarily enough, we press start. And then, we're treated to some amazing HD cutscenes. Except they're live action commercials for bizzare things. From what I can understand, they're totally random. I got a cooking show once and something about praying mantis robots right after. Results may vary. They'd be funny if they were short jokes, but they're dragged on-- I was honestly so confused, I thought I had bumped the remote and switched the TV.

    Now, finally, we are playing Metal Gear Solid 4. Snake is introduced to be fighting in the middle east in the future, and the symbolism with real current events is totally obvious. We play a little bit, being thrown right into the fray, and then... we're in a cemetery, talking to a now very distinguished Otacon and a very old Colonel on a helicopter.

    This is the first 10-15 minutes. A game can be destroyed in that amount of time if not handled right. MGS4 pulls it off, without question, but... just what the hell is going on? In a world where games are excused for being explained eighty hours in, or the Internet culture finds it's way onto Cartoon Network and fucking Pop Tarts, MGS4 is, on the surface, pure gaming magic executed to near-perfection, while deep down seemingly satiating a need for our modern world's need to touch on subjects in current events, or the fact that people say the Internet acronym "LOL" completely outloud now. It's like a big turtle with "AWESOME RAD" written on it's shell in an old-school videogame font of your choice (preferably with a picture of a dude with sunglasses giving you the thumb's up on the side), with a bunch of hipsters inside listening to iPods and updating their Facebooks. I don't know what the hell happened.

    And, yeah. Snake actually has an iPod, while we're on the subject. It's in your inventory. I'll end this point with that.

    Hit or Miss? It's good, it's weird, and it's sure as hell confusing-- but Kojima never disappoints. Buy the game and scream "SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" for me, but preferably not next to the dude (or dudette!) who sells it to you.